LOST AND CONFUSED

Temperatures rising,foul moods and annoyed looks.

Today I feel shitty.Why?

Woke up with a mission to become a better version of me.  Dreaming of a better me,a go getter . But instead a shittier side of me took on the day.

I lacked self-control and broke my vow. Once you commit to oneself on changing a particular bad habit then end up breaking that particular vow is the worst feeling ever. I keep giving up on myself. Denying myself the opportunity to experience my worth over and over again. Feeling lesser and lesser purposeful to whom I wish to be . A coward with lots and lots of excuses . Apart from disappointing myself I let down the people who look up to me and admire me. The feeling of self loathe eats me up and indulge in binge eating until I can’t anymore. Yet I still feel shittier . I then cry myself to sleep ,day dreaming of my “other” perfect life.

I used to wonder how one becomes depressed ,what causes one to truly hate themselves.Well now I know exactly how depression feels like and I hate it.I hate feeling useless ,lost ,heavyhearted ,choked and dead inside out.

We all have a purpose as to why we are on this earth .It will be sad dying not knowing your purpose ,not making a difference or not leaving behind your footprint; just being another statistic.

The toughest journey in one’s life for me has to be discovering and understanding oneself. Having an opportunity to fully achieve your sole purpose on earth.

I pray as I travel through life all confused and lost,I do finally find my purpose and be the best version of me. Not only to myself but the world around me.

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